Answer by Arûn Râinâ:
1. Date Them Like They’re New To YouIn the beginning of a relationship, you are on your best behaviour and put in a lot of effort. Then you feel like you’ve won them and you stop trying as hard.If youthem like they’re new to you at all stages of the relationship, it not only makes them feel more appreciated, it also makes you more attracted to them. Our minds have this cool little mechanism around commitment and consistency (and if you’ve ever studied sales psychology then you’ve likely heard of this little trick). Basically it states that whatever we do, our mind forces us to believe consistent thoughts with our actions. “You’re doing nice things for your girlfriend again? Well you must like her a lot!” *cue flood of happy brain chemicals*2. Focus On Freeing Your Partner From Their BlocksYour goal throughout your entire relationship is to help your partner become as free, open, and unrestrained as possible.We all have blockages in our emotional lives. Life can be tough and no one gets through without a few bruises.Maybe your partner feels self-conscious about their body because society has told them that they aren’t tall/short/skinny/beautiful enough. Worship it. Love it. Kiss every inch of it until they can feel your desire for them dripping from the love and intensity of your gaze.If you and your partner mutually set the intention of focusing on helping the other person work through their blocks and become the most open version of themselves possible, you’ll both benefit.3. ListenThere is an endless barrage of things fighting for our attention these days. What do people miss the most amidst this disconnected cacophony of noise? Someone to make them feel heard, understood, and who misses them when they’re away.When you are with your partner, give them your full attention. Turn off your cell phone as often as possible. Have conversations more than you watch television (or you know,your TV). Face them directly and give yourself to them completely.No relationship has ever ended because someone felt like their partner listened to them too much.4. Express Your Scariest Thoughts And DesiresYou do your deepest healing in the context of an intimate relationship.Regularly take the time out of your day (or week) toto each other without judgment. Whether someone has an answer for you or not, just being able to say something that has been bothering you for years and having them receive it with an open heart is enough to remove the stigma you’ve attached to it.5. Plan SpontaneityPredictability is death to attraction. And spontaneity is the antidote.Do you always rotate the same few date ideas over and over? Mix it up with somethingand romantic (like laying on the hood of your car under where the airplanes land in your city). Or playful and ridiculous (like building a fort and drinking red wine from sippy cups).Do you remember the last time you left the city? Get out of town for the weekend.Do you remember the last time you planned a bad-ass ? Write up three different date ideas in three different envelopes and have your date choose their own adventure (they only get to look at one).Everyone likes surprises.Take the initiative and create a story that you’ll be talking about for years.6. Gratitude And PraiseCouples that go the distance not only give each other praise, they do it in a very specific way.Imagine you come home from work and you tell your partner that you got the promotion that you had been after for a while.Scenario 1, they say: “That’s such great news! I’m so proud of you!”Scenario 2, they say: “That’s such great news! I’m not surprised at all that you got it… you’re so hard working and good at what you do, it’s about time they recognized the value you bring to the company.”Highly functioning couples praise each other while tying their successes to each others values and.So next time you’re about to praise someone, ask yourself “Why”. Why did they make that dinner for me? Why did they get that promotion? Why did they lose that weight?They made dinner because they are thoughtful and caring. They got the job because they are creative and valuable. They lost the weight because they are disciplined and courageous. You get the drill.
- Knowing beyond a doubt that your partner is good, deserving, and well-meaning. Put them on a pedestal just a little bit. Adore them. Forgive them.A mutual sense of equal footing between the two people. Never look down, and never be looked down upon. Never carry the whole partnership, and never allow yourself to be carried.Willingness to listen, even when it's hard. Willingness to talk, even when it's hard.Attending to the sexual relationship even when the honeymoon is over. Explore the world of comfortable physical intimacy that lies beyond passion & novelty. Paying attention.A commitment above all else to the quality of the relationship, your own happiness, and the happiness of your partner.